Buried in Fear

I am honored to share with you some insights and beautiful words from Cheryl. This is a beautiful and touching account of forgiveness and love. I know readers will join me in thanking her for this post, which I have already re-read many times.

Buried in Fear
By Cheryl Higgins

The other day in the news was a story about a woman involved in a hit and run of a five year old boy. After she hit him she ran to a field, dug a hole, and buried herself.

My accident twelve years ago was not a hit and run but I knew exactly what it felt like to bury myself in a dark hole of fear and shame. I had made a mistake so immense that a life was wiped from this planet. Even though I was fully present for all that I had done and was responsible for I wanted to hide away from the light of the world. After the accident I wanted to run. Run from what I had done and the lives that I had changed forever. I could feel all of that energy pushing down on me and it was paralyzing. I started to feel as if the girl that died in the accident was around me and I was terrified that she would show up in my mirror. I was so afraid and ashamed for what I had done I could barely get through the day. I finally told my close friend that I wanted to see a psychic and find out what the girl in the accident thought of me. Going to a psyhic was not something that was normal for me but in desperation I opened my heart to answers anywhere I could.

In the back room of a metaphysical bookstore I sat at a table across from a man I didn’t know and looked down at a stack of cards spread before me and asked, “What does the girl in the accident think of me?” I pulled a card and looked at in disbelief. It was a picture of Mother Mary and the words Unconditional Love. I felt this great weight lifted off of me and cried tears of regret and sorrow and for feeling love that I did not think was possible.  Whether you believe I pulled that card from divine inspiration or it was by some random chance it changed me from that moment on.   I saw that no matter how big our mistakes we are never separate from Love.

After that I finally started to let the cracks from that deep hole of fear and shame break open. When the light of love shined through my heart I burst wide open in awe. I have learned that this world is full of more love then we could ever know. If you have done something so horrible that you feel undeserving of love please let yourself  crack open even a little.  If we talk to each other about what we have done we can feel the compassion of each others hearts. We are here. We will listen and show you the love that is all around. Crack open. Let your light shine into this world. And let the light of love shine into your own heart and break you open even more.

2 thoughts on “Buried in Fear”

  1. Hi Cheryl-

    I was the cause of an accident 4 years ago that caused a traumatic brain injury and have found little support for the “bad guy” and I’m not sure I deserve it, but desperately need it and I have always felt that it would be helpful to connect with other people who were in similar situations, but have not found any support groups or sites. Yours is the first blog I have found that I can relate to. I’m glad you found some light and love and pray someday I can too.

  2. Hi Sue. I just saw your comment and my heart is with you.. I’m sending you a great big hug. You do deserve support. Even some of the worst offenders out there have support groups. We need each other.

    One book that I read that was helpful was Radical Self Forgiveness. It’s written in a workbook style and was very moving to work through.

    We can consider this a Master’s workshop in self love and forgiveness.
    Try to step way back and look at it through a spiritual lense. Look at it through the eyes of your angels or higher self. What would your angels say? You did not plan this. It was a terrible mistake. I’m so sorry this happened to you. But you are not alone. And you are still a radiant beautiful soul that is loved.

    Let the love surround you.

    You are welcome to contact me directly anytime. My email is tugboatannie81@yahoo.com.

    Love and hugs to you, Sue!

    Cheryl Higgins

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