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I live in India and a friend forwarded an article about Maryann on BBC to me today on Whatsapp. I was at first puzzled by the title and wondered why my friend forwarded it to me, why he thought I should see it. Because I had never told him about my experience. It will be 3 years this May since I accidentally caused the death of a 28yr old boy, in the prime of his life, preparing to get married. I live in a city that is overcrowded, has terrible roads, people disobeying traffic rules all the time, corrupt cops.… Read more »
I am so sorry. I have had similar feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. I understand how you feel. I’ve had a similar accident. But I shot a friend of mine on accident not knowing that the gun was loaded. I was wrought with sadness beyond belief for years. It lead to drug addiction and almost suicide. It was when I was 17. I am 45 now with a loving family and two kids. But I will never forget. People around always remember the deceased in their posts on Facebook for birthdays and the like. Yet I have never received a… Read more »
I have just listened to your broadcast on BBC Radio 4 world service. I am in Jakarta staying with my son and want to respond because it’s 20 years at the end of January since my husband killed a two year old boy in a car park. He had just collected my youngest son from Cub Scouts as He was pulling away in his car a little boy tripped and went under the wheels. A Friend alerted me and when I arrived at the scout hut he was trying to climb into the rubbish bin. He refused to have counselling,… Read more »
We have a support group comprised of some of the folks from the New Yorker article on Facebook if you search “accidental casualty survivors”. :::big hugs::: and lots of love to all of you!!! (I hope Maryann will allow this post.)
Thank you so much for doing this. Lots of requests for support groups come to me.
Today, September 18th I sent a long story email to Lisa that I hope she’ll put on her website, it could have been a story about a death from an accident that could been prevented in a local baseball stadium with an unsafe/unprotected seating area. I HOPE LISA WILL INCLUDE IT ON HER WEBSITE. There had been other falls over the years, I also almost fell years ago, I had only ever talked to stadium and team personnel about dangerous that seating is because it doesn’t prevent a spectator from falling forward and down onto the concrete walkway; which is… Read more »
Just read the article in the New Yorker -“Accidental Killers” and googled Maryann Gray’s web site ( Accidental Impacts ). I am a truck driver for more than 30 years, and have seen too many really bad accidents. All the stories in the comments are heartbreaking and I hope everyone moves on the best they can with their lives. Perhaps Drivers Ed Classes could make these stories a part of their training in hopes that they will teach New Drivers how serious driving is. Hopefully with newer technology car & truck manufacturers will have devices that can prevent Accidental Impacts.… Read more »
I was a member of a punk rock band from Maine. Our first DIY cross country tour ended tragically in August 1995. My story… There was no alcohol. No drugs. It was early afternoon. we had stopped in the morning for gas and some snacks. Mike bought some Robitussin or some kind of cold meds because he had been sick; coughing up bright green phlegm over the last few days. We were all excited to get to Albuquerque. Lincoln, Nebraska had been a bust; and we were in need of a night out of the van. We had been taking… Read more »
My name is Lisa and I was involved in a fatal accident that killed a bicyclist that rode out against traffic, I feel horrible yet somehow I have been able to manage, well at least I think I am managing, I am holding it together, I just wanted to find a support group that I can reach out to in my town. I live in Tucson, AZ and my accident was 5/2/16. This is the first time I am sharing my story and I thought I did everything right by calling the police and cooperating yet the person did not… Read more »
I too was involved in a fatal accident. I have been searching for some kind of support group where I can at least be around others that have shared a similar experience. If you , or anyone else, has found any kind of support group specifically for CADIs, please share.
I came across this site by accident and was compelled to keep reading, wanting to honor each story and the courage it took to write about such pain and regret. Although I am grateful not ( but for the grace of God, go I) to have personally experienced the tragedy of fatally harming another, I am a licensed social worker and I use EMDR therapy with many people who have experienced similar (and other) trauma using EMDR . Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is an integrative psychotherapy approach that has been extensively researched and proven effective for the treatment… Read more »
I was involved in a fatal motorcycle crash two years ago. I was making an unprotected left turn on a stormy day and turned in front of a motorcycle. I wasn’t speeding or texting or purposely being distracted and I don’t know for sure why I didn’t see him. My fear is that I just didn’t look and turned left when the light turned green. There were a lot of variables involved (he wasn’t wearing an approved helmet, he had marijuana in his system, I never found out how much), but I do know that I unintentionally daydream and it… Read more »
My name is Christine and I was involved in a horrible accident on 6/17/04. I killed my boyfriend at the time drinking and driving. He was on his motorcycle and I was in my car. He was stopped at a red light and I was going to fast and I tried to stop but I hit him from behind. My life has never been the same. I have so much guilt, so much sadness, so much anger, even to this day. I have been punishing myself for 11 years. My life was taken away to. Sometimes I wish I would… Read more »
Hi Christine, My name I Michael and on September 2014 I killed my older brother in a car accident. We had been drinking that night and we slept two hours before heading back home. On our way home, I was driving on the freeway, my brother was sleeping in the back seat of my Honda Civic and did not have a seatbelt on. An exit before our home exit on the freeway there was a pile of cars ahead of me, but I did not see the accident as I had a big expedition in front of me blocking my… Read more »
Hello Michael, I keep telling myself life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… It’s about learning to dance in the rain! I am still struggling every day with my pain. I have alot of issues. Me and my husband are separated now and I was really hurt by someone because of my issues. No one wants to be with me. I feel so alone. But I can’t give up. I have tried to kill myself several times. I have been through so much in my life and I don’t know why. I have just lost my job. But… Read more »
Hi Michael and Christine, I feel immense grief and depression from having caused the death of a total stranger. I can’t even begin to imagine what the two of you must be going through. 2015 to 2017 have seen a series of mishaps in my life. My parents don’t like talking about the accident. I’ve been in several minor accidents following the one that caused the death of another person. I’ve begun feeling I’m jinxed. I don’t have anyone I could talk to. I pushed people away. My relationship, where I had a supportive and understanding partner, ended. I lost… Read more »
Dear Michael, of course there is nothing you can do to change the past, but there is a lot you can do to change the future. Hating yourself won’t do anyone any good. Consider dedicating yourself to helping others. There are so many people who are in pain, are hungry, are frightened and desperate. If you try, you can help someone and along the way, through helping others, maybe you can find peace. Things change and you can too. Start by being gentle and aware of your anger. Try to catch yourself before the anger takes over. You can do… Read more »
I know how you feel Michael. I have been so miserable these past 13 years. I have tried killing myself several times. Just two days ago a good friend of mine killed himself. He had alot of people that cared about him. People do care about you. It’s not about waiting for the storm to pass… It’s learning how too dance in the rain. Your brother wouldn’t want you to live your life this way. It was an accident, you didn’t do it on purpose.
I was involved in a tragic accident in which an individual was killed on 6/23/2016. Every day sense then is been living in my head. I’m full of sadness and hopeless in thought. Today it’s been a week, I’m just now driving again. That is strange to me now. I’m in search of a support group in my area. I need help…
Blessed are those
whom are left to bare
the sorrow of it all…
I’m so sorry to hear about your accident. I was reading through the comments and immediately yours caught my attention. On exactly 6/23/2007. I was a driver in an accident that sadly involved a fatality. Even though it’s been over 9 years, there’s still never a day that goes by that I don’t think about it. But everyday you do get a little stronger. Just never never be afraid to reach out for help. Only now I’m August have I ever seen a therapist. It’s not weakness or shameful to get help.
Did you find a support group? It has been 3 months since my accident with a motorcyclist that did not survive
I know how you feel, because I was involved in an accident that the passenger in the other car was killed last Saturday morning, July 8. Everyday it seems harder for me to cope. I think about the other driver and their family every minute of the day.
I read your message and you said it so wise Blessed are those whom are left to bare the sorrow of it all…My husband was a truck driver and was in an accident and a little girl died.We are both depressed and will never be able to have a normal life.It has pulled us in different directions. Thanks for your message.Tonya
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Thanks for this site. sometimes i dont know who to talk to, someone who will understand. it is not easy. i have a lot of anger in me. Why…why. i cannot turn back the hands of time. it happened, its not easy.