Accidental Impacts

I am a widow. My bicycling husband was killed by a sleepy driver. Although it has been 12 1/2 years, the children and I still miss him every day. It was a tragedy that shouldn’t have happened. I will always wish that the driver, who surely knew he was sleepy, had not chosen to drive. But, here’s my message to those of you who find yourselves in the position of the driver who caused a death: it matters that you stop and take responsibility. It matters that you intended no harm and did not maliciously hurt another human being. It… Read more »

My story happened August 2nd 2006. I was 14 at the time. I was driving my boat on my lake with a couple of my friends (also 14). We were just about to begin our freshman year of high school… I was closer to being 13 than being 15 at the time. I was driving not recklessly and not under the influence of anything; I just wasn’t paying enough attention. The lake was pretty empty that day, so I didn’t think it was too much of a problem to be not paying attention for a few seconds (literally just a… Read more »

5 days ago I hit a motorbike rider. I had the GPS in my car on as I didn’t know where I was going. I had stopped to turn right, and there was a small crest in the road. I had removed my sunglasses to read the street sign and the sun was glaring. I started to turn when a motorbike came straight through. I did not see him until I hit him. He was thrown from his bike. By the time I got out of my car, people had stopped to give assistance to the rider and call an… Read more »

Yesterday on my way home from work (I’m a nurse) a girl jaywalking across a busy street with her father ran in front of my car and I hit her. I had noticed her father standing on the median but did not stop for him. She must have been behind him since I didn’t see her until she was running in front of my car. I slammed on my brakes but was unable to stop before hitting her. I raced to her side where she was sitting up and crying and screaming. No obvious signs of injury, but there are… Read more »

8 days ago, I went to a river with my friends, once we had gotten there I learned that I needed to go to my school to receive an award i had won , they said that i either had to pick it up that day or I would have to wait till the end of August to get it mailed to me. I made the choice to go back to the school while i knew my friends were upset with me. On my way back to the river i was trying to go fast to get back as i… Read more »

My name is marti. I am writing because this February 2020 my son 24 yr old was killed by an 82 yr old woman accidentally. She didn’t see the headlight on that dreaded motorcycle his father bought him. This has been the hardest time ever in my life ! At times I think I am going to die myself. I am going through all of the stages of grieving. My reason to contact you is that even in the midst of it all I have never once had an ounce of anger toward the woman that hit him. He died… Read more »

I am a counselor. With that being said, it doesn’t make accidents such as these any easier. I do think that working with so much trauma has helped me significantly to recover most areas of life more quickly. I have processed and analyzed and talked to peers and colleagues. And then I did it over and over. It has only been a short time since my collision and right now I am doing okay. I know that trauma can be residual and it can come in waves but I do 2 things. I use grounding and facts. These are how… Read more »

Hi: my dear friend accidentally killed a pedestrian last week. She is devastated and I would like to help. If someone on this site speaks Spanish and is willing to speak to her, I would greatly appreciate it.

Almost 15 years ago, when I was 14, my step mother would let me drive short distances to teach me to drive. One day we were driving a few miles down a country road to pick up one of my friends. It was myself, driving, my step mother in the passenger seat and my friend and her son in the backseat. We went over a slight bump in the road and came down on loose gravel. I over corrected, hit a ditch, and the car rolled end over end. I was ejected out of the windshield, my step mother was… Read more »

Has anyone ever done EMDR therapy to process their guilt and shame? Thank you.

Has anyone ever done EMDR therapy to process their situation and put it in the past at a much less painful level? Thank you.

Wow, I just discovered this website from a NYTimes article. I have always wondered how people deal with guilt from events, whether intentional or not, though my experience is mainly with the former. I want everyone to know that I have always had great compassion for the people surrounding a tragedy, trying to deal with the complex feelings engendered. How does one find enough meaning in an event to incorporate it into one’s life and live with it? How can one live with intense guilt and suicidal feelings? I tend to think of life as a tapestry ( not being… Read more »

I recently posted on this site about something that occurred with regards to my; brother….,I did not kill him but he could have been hurt. I have an additional question: do people on this site pursue counseling to deal with their guilt? If so. has it helped to set you free? Someone told me about a therapy called ERP,,,emotionL response therapy, It involves experiencing the pain of the event in order to process it. Thank you.

I just wanted to leave a message to maybe help someone, or maybe just provoke some thoughts. I guess this is more a post for someone that is few months/years after an accident, rather than a raw event . 3 years ago when i was 19, I hit a motorcycle on the way from work almost head on down a narrow country lane – the man riding it was killed, pretty much instantly. Totally my fault. I don’t want to dwell too much on what i went through…everyone here would be able to relate. heavy, heavy guilt, remorse, PTSD, Court… Read more »

My story is unusual, different. I watched as a small child in my care was run over and killed by a riding lawnmower. I was 19. I am now 66. Many people in my life do not know this story. Some do. I don’t believe I ever processed this. I have felt unbearable guilt that my negligence allowed this to happen. I was almost charged with criminal negligence. People tell me I was very young, but that does not take away the guilt. I get through life by pushing this memory down deep inside be. I still work with children,… Read more »

The accident that I was involved in happened almost four years ago in June 2016. I was driving home from work around 4 pm. I live in a large city, so rush hour had started, and the traffic was pretty heavy. I was on one of the busier streets in our neighborhood, when I decided to use a smaller side street to make a left turn. The intersection did not have a light, but it had a stop sign facing the street I was on. I got up to the stop sign and came to a stop, but I could… Read more »

I have a friend who hit someone with his car. The person died a couple of months later. No one was supposed to be where he was driving. My friend refuses to seek professional help. He blames himself and thinks he deserves the worse. I feel hopeless in helping him cope since he refuses any show of compassion. Can you advise me in any way?

I have a son that had an accident with an 18 year old. She died a week later. She pulled out of a driveway into a street, but my son was speeding. He got 16 years in prison. He has tried to commit suicide twice. He needs prayers. He has unbelievable guilt!

I just can’t forgive myself for what I have done and it has been almost 2 years. I did not kill anyone but they were hurt. It was my very own brother. He has forgiven me but I cannot forgive myself. Been on countless medications…nothing helps. Does healing ever really happen. I am in therapy now to try to deal with this. Thank you for listening.

On April 23, 2020, also my wedding anniversary I was traveling to work at 5:00 am I had just got into the interstate and there was a flash and a sound I dont think that I will ever forget. It was so dark and raining. I was ask by the 911 operator if I was sure that it was a person. After the fire department fonally found him I felt as though bery bit of what ever was in me was now gone. 3 hours later the state patrol said I could go to my husband truck and go home.… Read more »

Brain injury to wife brought on early dementia:   Annie’s first Pneumonia attack that put her in the hospital was entirely my fault.  She wanted to go to the doctor and I said as long as you feel okay, we will just do the nebulizer medication for your asthma.  I thought it was just asthma.  That worked for 4 days and then on the following Saturday she said “ I’m having a hard time breathing”.  Our house girl got a cab in about 2 minutes but on the way to the hospital she quit breathing.  About 10 minutes later we got… Read more »

This month will mark 18 months since the accident. I was living with my best friend because my wife and I had recently split up. My best friend was 15 years older than I. We were auto mechanics and worked at the same shop together. He had never been married or had kids.. never really grew out of being a frat boy even though he’d been out of college for 15 years. Since he was a bit of a partier and I had just split up from a relationship of seven years I fell into drinking often. I preferred drinking… Read more »

TODAY—RIGHT NOW—PRAY THAT JADEN WILL LIVE AND FULLY RECOVER If any of you believe in prayer, PLEASE PRAY for a 10 year old boy who I allowed to fish at our pond. He had been coming to our pond to fish for a few days. With the Corona virus, the kids are out of school and he was looking for places to fish. I had seen him fish at other ponds and he was very adept. He told me he could swim and had been swimming in some of the other ponds. I became too trusting that he knew what… Read more »

Tomorrow Jillian would have been 48 years old, and it will be thirty years since the accident – we were on our way to a movie to celebrate her 18th birthday, she was in the middle seat in the back of the minivan. Sherri and I were in the front seat and I looked down for a second to change the song on the radio. By the time I looked up the light had turned red and we were in the intersection- I heard Sherri scream and then heard a sound I will never be able to describe and will… Read more »

It has been a year since I hit a pedestrian and killed him. My story is a little different from others here as it was a hit and run. One where I feel extreme guilt, regret ,remorse and shame for multiple reasons. While driving at night, (completely sober and not distracted) out of nowhere someone crashed into my windshield. At that moment, I didn’t know if it was a man or a woman, young or old, as it happened so quickly and the windshield glass shattered on me. I was scared and I was in shock as it did not… Read more »

I have been on two sides of this issue, both as the cause of an accident when I lost focus for just a split second on the highway, causing another driver to swerve, lose control and crash their vehicle, and as a victim in a different accident in 2018, when I was almost killed after my vehicle was struck by a drunk driver. I still struggle with feelings of guilt and shame from the accident I caused, even though it wasn’t done on purpose. I don’t remember the impact of the other one where I was struck by the drunk… Read more »

My friend and I were going to a hotel party. It was our mutual friends birthday. I had my swimsuit on underneath my clothing. I was wearing black canvas shoes. It was icy and snowy on the sidewalk but not the roads. I thought I would slip on my way to the car. She picked me up and I threw my backpack into the back seat. I saw her little back pack and her towel there too. She asked me which way she should go because if she went one way she would have to make a U turn, if… Read more »

Driving under influence, crashed into the pavement and spun out at 30 MPH on a corner around 3AM. I was arrested within 5 minutes as I was driving through a high street and if this was happened at 3PM, it would’ve been worse. From now on, I will always ensure I take a extra precaution driving anywhere at any time in any weather. Fined and banned a lesson well taught.

Very interesting to hear the other side of the story. I was crossing the road on a pedestrian crossing in broad daylight on a straight road with a 20 mph limit, in white coat and hat. An 80 year old drove his car straight into me, he just didn’t see me. I was in hospital for 2 weeks, walking with a stick for a year, and had PTSD. I now take antidepressants. And for all this he was fined £120. I have been angry with him ever since, it was 2 years ago. I never thought before that he may… Read more »

In 1981 my Dad stopped his car to help a girl who had fallen off her moped. Whilst helping her they were hit by a chap on his motorcycle, who had inadvertently broken a simple double white line to overtake a queue of traffic. As an 11 year old, clearly it had a massive effect on my life. Do I blame him? Never. That could be me. I just remind myself of all the positives that will have happened because of it. Butterfly effect? Maybe. I miss him. But perhaps his death stopped something worse. I since heard that the… Read more »

Hi, i found your story really interesting. I was a child that did exactly what Brien had done. I came from a poor estate were we did not really have cars. When my friends grandma offered to take me with them-to the school fate, i was soooooo excited. We felt so grown up we walked the route in front of the rest of the family in our own little world skipping along laughing. Finally the route met a road full of cars speeding past, anxious to show my fear, and not really shaw how to cross a busy road, i… Read more »

In 1987, I was involved in a fatal car accident in which an elderly woman died. It wasn’t my fault. Actually, it was shown at the inquest that the woman was up to no good and had been thieving. Gradually, I managed to come to terms with what happened. It’s now over 30 years ago. But what makes me annoyed is other people, who have no idea what they’re talking about passing judgement on the issue. I’ve found that some people who don’t like me anyway will use the accident to cause further grief. There’s also the casual gossips as… Read more »

I worked as a nurse. I was burnt out and tired. A patient of mine came to the clinic sweating, pale, and out of breathe. I asked him if I could call him an ambulance. He said no, just give me my meds. So I did. The next day I found out he had died shortly after leaving the clinic. If I had paid more attention, been more firm, hadn’t been so burnt out I could have saved him. But I didn’t. I don’t know how I can live with myself, when I was suppose to be helping people, not… Read more »

On a beautiful Autumn day in 1987, my husband of four years was riding his bike through a busy intersection in a small mid-western town when he was hit by a car. He died of chest injuries several hours later in surgery at the age of 29. It changed the course of my life and the life of his family and our friends too. Many of us used the loss we felt to make important changes in our own lives. We thought, if his life could be cut short unexpectedly, then why should we wait to do something brave, to… Read more »

Hi I am Cheyanne. I’m 16 years old and was in a horrible accident last week. My boyfriend got me a pellet gun for our 1 year anniversary and I was trying to scope the gun so I was shooting at a tree that had a target on it. I shoot with one eye closed and one eye looking through the scope. His little brother and my boyfriend was off the porch while I was on the porch with one of my boyfriends friends. So my boyfriend was supposed to be watching his little brother while I’m as scoping the… Read more »

How does one ever really forgive themselves and move on, My incident happened over a year ago and I still think about it daily. I now even take medication because of it.

My daughter accidentally caused the death of a bicyclist. She was driving in our neighborhood and came down a hill and he was coming down another hill. He swerved to avoid her and crashed. She stopped to see if he was ok and he said he thought he broke his neck and couldn’t move. She called 911 and stayed with him. He died 5 days later from his injuries . She was a senior in high school and finished the year home bound. He was a beloved college professor and the accident was on the news and in the papers… Read more »

Hi all. My name is Rachel and I’m 19 years old. My mom found this website for me. I’ve generally been through a lot in life already, and it’s definitely made me wiser and stronger. However, I tend to find myself questioning God right now because I feel so defeated over this which is the last thing I want to do. My faith is everything to me but this is so, so hard. This accident happened to me in Oct. of 2019. I was at an intersection stopped trying to turn left with a yield green light, there was a… Read more »

hello, First week of December around almost midnight myself and sister were driving to get some fast food. I was driving down a dark road and there was no cars around me or on the other side of the road. Out of nowhere a person was in the street and I hit them. Coming down the street the road was clear I truly didn’t see anyone in the street. It wasn’t in a crosswalk. The car is all black with dark tints. Once I hit them I immediately stopped and my body went into shock because I couldn’t believe what… Read more »

Hello I’m so happy my friend sent this site to me.
Last Saturday I was in a accident in Delaware around 1:40am. I was driving on 95 and thought I saw something in the road. What I thought was a deer was a woman walking in the middle Lane. I hit her going 60 killing her on impact. Now I’m really going through it mentelly…need help seriously.

I am relieved to find this site. Two weeks ago I was on my way to work very early in the dark. I collided with a man on a motorcycle. He died last week. I am all over the place emotionally and trying to hold it together. I’ll be fine for a little while and function like normal at work, but once my mind isn’t engaged elsewhere it’s all I think about. The man had a child and one on the way. My husband won’t listen to me say anything about feeling guilty or to blame, he just gets angry.… Read more »

When I was 22 I was involved in a hunting accident where a 14 year old son of a friend was shot and killed. I was not the guy with the gun, but I did make decisions that contributed to the kids being in the wrong place. I am not 38 and have been through 2 marriages. The last to a women who is s paranoid schizophrenic. This has meant she is not allowed to see our daughter, and I’m a full time Dad to 2 kids, working full time. I suffer from chronic anxiety and depression and I’m really… Read more »

22 years ago, I was 20, I was the driver in a drunk driving accident that killed my best friend. Not only were we best friends, but our families had also been long time friends. I became the town pariah. I immediately became “that guy”, the villain in everyone’s movie. On a few occasions different people said to me, “oh you’re the one who killed that boy”. I eventually moved away and except for 3 times never talked about it. The 3 times I had was because I had been in relationships and had to explain my, at the least,… Read more »

My name is Will, I am responsible for the death of a dear friend. I have suffered from alcohol/substance abuse from the age of 14. When I was 19 years old, under the influence of drugs and alcohol, I accidentally shot and killed my friend as we were playing with a gun. He was only 16, and had just had a baby. To make things worse, I tried to protect myself by lying, as did others who were there when it happened. I was soon arrested and charged with second degree murder. I was eventually sentenced to 8 years in… Read more »

5 months ago, I pulled in front of a car, the guy driving the other car was ok. I busted a leg banged My head good. My passenger was killed, he was my uncle, he and I were vietnam vets same time same place, we both are service connected PTSD vets. There was pot and beer in my car, the charges are bad, really bad. 8 charges 3 felonies. I could give a shit actually. My injury is not my leg and it feels too severe, it is mortal/fatal and it’s gotten way worse instead of better, I’ve got kids… Read more »

I’ve hidden this accident from my new BF. Is this something I have to tell him? I feel incredible shame because of it… but I also feel like Im keeping secrets from him as well and dont know if he has a right to know, or if I have a right to keep it to myself?

I am a 63 year old woman. Two days ago, I ran a stop sign and hit a car with a family with two very young children. I was looking for an address and distracted. Thankfully, everyone survived without major injury but the image of those young parents frantically trying to get their children extracted from their mangled vehicle is haunting me constantly. I pray thanksgiving to the Lord over and over that they survived but the thought that I could have killed this sweet family is overwhelming.

My boyfriend was almost killed by an Uber driver – the driver hit him while distracted by the Uber app on his phone. He had a brain bleed, and he was in ICU for a while, but he mostly recovered. We know it was an accident and we don’t bear the driver any ill will. Should we contact the driver and tell him that? We’re worried about hurting him.

I’m not sure that I will be able to join the group due to the fact that it was my husband who accidentally hit a pedestrian, and she died 4 days later. I am having a hard time finding any information online to help my husband through this. He is constantly filled with guilt and blame, and many other things I’m sure. He doesn’t talk very much and just zones out, so I usually just give him space. I am hoping I can get advice from others on how to help him through this

How does a friend and work supervisor participate in this support for a mechanic that has worked for me for twenty plus years?