Comments on: Personal Stories

By: Jopie P

Thu, 12 Mar 2020 02:30:15 +0000

I know it says it’s been two months but I hear you on this. I want to let you know you’re life is not forfeit and doesn’t have any less value. You were there only by circumstance, don’t use hindsight to place blame on why it happened. I went through a work related accident where a machine I was operating rolled over and crushed a co-worker. That was over 8 months ago and each day gets a little better, as I’m sure you’ve come to find out. Focus on enjoying the time you have now, you carry the memory of this night but it doesn’t have to hold you down. Use it as a power for good. I’m not perfect, I have some relapses and I lose myself back in the memories of that fateful day. But your understanding will change as times moves on. That’s the biggest thing… you’re not going to get over this. You’ve got to learn to live with it. ]]>

By: Thy

Tue, 10 Mar 2020 07:33:40 +0000

I was very, very, very lucky yesterday…
My IT company bought a new Van to store equipment in and once my boss got the paper work done, I was responsible for driving it back. I put on music and drove back contently then like a shameful idiot I ran a stop light distracted by music and crashed into someone else, I felt like my heart shattered because the car flipped as I crashed into it…the force of it so great it actually flipped . I was okay but more importantly the 2 people in that car were these 2 girls and oh my God they were okay. The driver had a bruised leg, maybe broken and the passenger had a light scrape on her elbow and they were in one peace. At first I thought I didn’t deserve the luck but right now I am just thankful they are alive.
I am someone who enjoys driving, there a certain feeling of freedom in it so knowing that I traumatized someone else breaks my heart. I hope that girl can get behind the wheel and drive freely again as she did before I crashed into her.
As someone who is relatively young…I have some family issues, trying to move out, my job is challenging but I’m growing in the IT field a lot and overall I’m trying to get my life together, now that this has happened I am scared of the will happen legally yet I feel hopeful that it’ll be alright.
I told all my close friends, my family and cried a lot to try to cope with what happened. My mother and a friend of mine shared their experience of their own major accidents, and somehow I felt better from those then I began to think what happened was a necessary lesson for life and being a more responsible driver. The fact that I could’ve or almost killed 2 people is something I will never let myself down for. I consider myself a careful person who takes care of his responsibility but it just goes to show that this can happen to anyone, I’m so stupid for having that kind of ego…I think I am handling it well. I am going to take a class on traffic safety so my insurance price won’t get jacked up or won’t get jacked up as much.
My boss is friends with a defense attorney so they’ll be taking care of me…as for my job , well I’m stilling coming into work currently which again I think it’s another stroke of luck if they’re willing to keep me after wrecking their new Van.

I don’t know what to feel…on one end I hate myself for making this stupid mistake, then I feel like this is a lesson needed to be learned yet I feel hopeful that this will all work out and I feel like I’m pushing my luck just because those 2 girls lived and I don’t even know what the driver’s injuries are like besides her bruised leg that might even be broken. One thing for certain is that I now have a new perspective of life and the appreciation of it.

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By: Rebecca Bailey

Sat, 04 Jan 2020 07:08:32 +0000

Hi my name is Rebecca.I was 10 years old when my friend cheryl age 7 & I were coming back from tobogganing We should of had our parents with us .We were alone and using a crosswalk ,the kind where you stick your finger out and wait for the cars to stop. Cheryl was pulling the toboggan I had carried it to the park.We were crossing the street, all the cars had stopped,,We thought, there was a streetcar that was blocking one lane .The other drivers started to honk theire horns to try and warn us and the driver.The driver was a drunk man who just kept driving.I think I heard the the horns,at the last second I ran! I was sparred my dear sweet 7 year old best friend was not! I saw and herd the impact of the car ,she died on the way to the hospital.I have lived with my feelings of shame guilt confusion & terror.I am now 54 years old .I guess because I was a child everyone thought I would just get over it or forget it? She was buried in my first communion dress ,I cant forget. The drunk was charged with careless driving, I am now trying to find out who he is,taken me this long to get the courage to do it.My advice to anyone involved is please reach out to the victims or families any and all.I have never received a letter or anything from this man or his family,Cheryl’s family didn’t either,her family was destroyed by this,all of them,I am still good friends with this shattered family.Thank you to the people who care and want to help .I am sure you will be forgiven accidents do happen ,but its no accident what you choose to do after it. Thank you .Rebecca B. ]]>

By: AnM

Wed, 25 Dec 2019 03:05:25 +0000

I don’t know if I’m doing this format right, but I need someone to talk to. 4 days ago my family and I were involved in an accident that killed a man. We just learned of his death today. We had been out with our children taking them to see Christmas lights in a nearby state. We were at an intersection behind another car, the car turned left on a green light so we followed behind them. Out of nowhere an SUV came down the road so fast, he barley clipped us (we are all physically ok), the front of our car(bumper, grille) were torn off but it was still drives me. His SUV rolled 3 times and he was ejected. It turns out that we (nor the car in front of us) had the green arrow to turn just the green ball.

It’s Christmas time. I wasn’t driving, I was the passenger but I am devastated. It was my idea to go see the lights, so i feel responsible. I’m not sure what is going to happen legally which scares me so badly as well. I’ve been totally physically numb since I found he passed. I feel like my life is forefit because of this. I don’t know how to process what’s happened and I don’t know if I can live with this. I’m glad I found this site, to see there are others who have been through this. If there is anything that you all could advise or anything that helped you through the first few days I’d love to hear it. Thank you

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By: Lucy

Sat, 07 Dec 2019 16:42:04 +0000

As we read again and again here. your guilt and remorse show that you are NOT a horrible person, but a caring and kind one who made a mistake. Also you have turned your own difficult experience with pain into a capacity for empathy, which is something to be admired, not everyone would. I hope 12 days later your anguish has eased a little, and you have been able to find some help and comfort. I am 57, and after my recent accident I still felt like an awful dumb kid!

The lady I hurt was also a working mother with clearly a lot on her plate, her injuries too seemed minor at first but then things worsened. I still feel so badly for her pain and the effect it must have had in her life and those around her. At first I just felt like I couldn’t bear to see or talk to people, the accident was all I could think about but I didn’t want to tell anyone and show what a stupid unworthy person I was, I shrank from either sympathy or judgement. But a month or so on and the feelings have settled a bit. I know I can’t really make adequate direct amends to her, and I’ve not talked about it to many people, but I have tried to reach out to people in other ways, and to allow them to reach out to me, and the contact I was dreading has sometimes turned out to be a comfort and a good distraction. I don’t seek to forget the accident, or be made to feel all right about it, but I guess I have to keep trying to make things better in my life however I can.

Please hang on in there, and know that many others, here and elsewhere, understand what you’re going through and don’t judge you. Have courage and accept comfort. A big hug to you and take care of yourself.

(Edited for typos)

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By: help

Sun, 24 Nov 2019 04:26:19 +0000

I was at fault for what I thought had been a pretty minor car accident. Today I got a letter from my insurance saying the other driver had 8% whole body impairment and pain in her head and neck. I have struggled with chronic pain for the past few years and it has been a very difficult battle. The thought that I have now doomed somebody else to this is completely horrifying. I had never imaged her injuries would be this significant. She was also a single mother, an immigrant and an uber driver. She already has so much to deal with and I just feel like this awful dumb kid. I have no idea how to cope with this. i feel like a horrible person. ]]>

By: Lucy

Sun, 17 Nov 2019 14:11:48 +0000

Ten days ago I reversed into a young woman in the car park of the town in Brittany where I live. It was a stupid, needless accident; I approached the ticket barrier awkwardly, and reversed to come at it at a better angle. I’m pretty sure I did look in my windscreen rear view mirror, but she was somewhat to my right, perhaps in my blind spot, and I didn’t see her. I could blame other things, the low winter light and patchy shade, the fact that she was hurrying and maybe not looking or whatever, but essentially if I looked I didn’t look well enough, and I just failed to see her. I caught her with the back corner/wing of the car, and she went down hard on her ankle. I jumped out and went to her, put my arm around her, asked where it hurt etc, she was crying and shocked and clearly in pain.
A man who was standing to one side who must have seen called the pompiers (ambulance), other people who were coming out rushed up and helped, called her kids’ school, got her bag from her car, she called her mother and husband, everyone was calm and helpful and marvellous. The pompiers arrived quickly, and some gendarmes came out as the gendarmerie is just opposite. I put my jacket round her, as she calmed down she thanked me for staying and helping. I waited with her after she was put in the ambulance, the gendarmes took my details. They were really nice, asked if I was OK, told me not to worry, that it was not too serious, said perhaps the woman may not have been looking properly either.I gave her my details but didn’t get hers. She was calmer by then and told me not to worry, it could happen to anyone. Eventually they drove off with her and I went home.

My husband has been gentle and sympathetic, but his attitude is that it was an easy accident to happen, and I should keep it in proportion. We agreed there was no need to tell lots of people about it. A day or two later the gendarmes got in touch, said there’d be no need to come in and give them a statement, they’d got all the information they needed, the woman wasn’t making any complaint, but she’d contact me to get more information. When she did she was still super-kind, said that it was just a bad sprain, the lumbar problems she’d been afraid of didn’t seem to be happening, told me again not to worry, that she’d seen my distress and didn’t blame me. Also that she’d had to be at the hospital till 7.30 that evening, which must have been miserable. Her kindness and forgiveness were hot coals, but I was a bit cheered that it didn’t seem to be as bad as it might have been.

It was a holiday weekend here but I was finally able to get in touch with my insurance agent, who we’ve known forever and has been a tower of strength through many times of trouble, and who was breezy and calm and just asked for more info about the victim, so I texted her. When she replied she said she had much worse pain, back and head as well as the ankle, and didn’t know when she could go back to work. I feel so awful about the pain she’s in, and the trouble and anxiety it must be causing to her family, her workplace etc, while I’m just home and dry, and I am imagining that maybe her injuries will prove to be much worse, with worse consequences. And still she’s thanking me for asking and saying don’t hesitate to ask for anything I need!

I wanted to send her flowers, but when I mentioned this to my husband he frowned and said I needed to detach and not be so dragged down by it, and that he didn’t think that level of involvement was a good thing, or words to that effect. Feeling as I am I find I’m overly dependent on his support, but I think he’s wrong, so I said I would send the flowers anyway and we’d talk about it no more. He had his own worries with medical check-ups etc so we left it there and didn’t let it escalate into a row, but I felt lonelier. I sent the flowers, and got a text to say thank you from the lady, I replied and said I hoped she was a little better, but got no reply. She’s not obliged to keep in touch with me, and I’m not expecting her to make me feel better or let me off the hook, I know. I just hope things aren’t too bad with her.

But the worse thing is this isn’t the first time I’ve hit someone, and not the first car accident I’ve had by a long way. Eighteen years ago on my way home from work I swerved to avoid a car I thought was coming out of a side road on my right (in fact she was probably just inching forward, I could never really be sure if she was over the line) skidded on a wet road and drove into a man on the pavement. His knee was injured and he developed complications, and was a long time recovering. I spoke to him on the phone in hospital just afterwards, and then when I heard he was still in treatment I wrote to him, he wrote back a lovely letter, described the beautiful centre where he’d been sent for physiotherapy etc, and communicated indirectly that he appreciated my getting in touch very much.

That was my first ever accident, we’d not lived in France that long. I talked about it quite a bit, I was younger and busy and a bit tougher, I think, and it seemed like a terrible one off. But I always felt it was one of the worst things I’d ever done, and that it should never ever happen again. But then I had several accidents, some minor, some more serious which only damaged vehicles, and each time it eroded my confidence, I felt a lot of shame, that I shouldn’t really be behind the wheel of a car, that I wasn’t a serious, grown-up person who had a right to function in the adult world. After I wrote off (totalled) my last right hand drive car and replaced it with a lhd one, I took some driving lessons with a French instructor. He was good, gave me useful tips and boosted my confidence, and at the end he said something like, you should be all right now, you won’t do any more harm. That was seven years ago and I’ve gone that long without any accidents.

I suppose he meant if I stick to the advice and practices he gave me, but I fervently hoped he was right, so now that I’ve screwed up, and hurt someone again, I feel I’ve totally let him and myself and everyone down, and again that I’m no longer fit to be part of adult society. And I sort of feel I’ve used up all my rights to sympathy and compassion.

This isn’t a litigious, compensation, blaming culture here; we have a good health and social care system which goes into action, passers-by have a sense of kindness and citizenship and know how to help, the insurance companies generally pay the bills without quibble and take their responsibilities seriously and compassionately. I am very grateful for all this but at times like this it just adds to my sense of unworthiness/worthlessness. I didn’t know about the idea of moral injury. I suppose it helps a bit knowing it’s a thing and other people suffer from it too.

I’m sort of going through the motions at the moment, acting as normally as possible, but there’s a great ugly cloud over everything. I tend to be depressed and fragile at this time of year, and difficult events make it worse. I’ve considered giving up driving, so I can’t be a danger to anyone else, but it’s not an option I can afford just now. My husband is 82 (I’m 58) and still driving very well (he’s had the odd crunch but never hurt anyone) but I can’t just rely on him for transport. If he got ill or wasn’t around I’d need to be able to get about. We have local shops and buses, it wouldn’t be impossible to manage but it would be difficult.

Friends and family – whom I’ve not told about it – have lately been contacting and proposing get-togethers, now this has happened I feel overwhelmed and like I don’t really want to see anyone. I don’t want to talk about the accident and I don’t want to not talk about it, if that makes sense. I’ve been out to my regular classes etc, and it does take my mind off it somewhat, but there’s always this feeling I shouldn’t be acting normally, let alone enjoying myself, or it all comes rushing back as soon as the activity finishes.

Anyway, that’s where things are at the moment. I’m not sleeping well, and my husband and I have been struggling. I feel like I’ve no right to self-pity but no right to just get on with life normally. We had a better talk this morning and I’ve decided perhaps I’ll see the doctor and maybe ask if I can at least have something to help me sleep.

This all feels very self-indulgent and all-about-me, but it is a relief to find this site, and to read and hear other people’s stories, most of which are far worse than mine, and feel a bit less alone. Thanks for reading if you’ve got this far!

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By: S. Smith

Tue, 29 Oct 2019 12:51:35 +0000

What a terrible thing to endure. I was also 17 when I became a CADI and caused the death of one person and injured another with my car. It is too much for a teenager to go through. I also am haunted by PTSD. Until I found this site, I really didn’t feel like there was a “place” to turn to for people like us. ]]>

By: Joelle

Fri, 20 Sep 2019 14:17:31 +0000

I was just in an accident two days ago and the guilt is eating me alive. I came to a complete stop at a stop sign and looked to my left to try to turn right, saw what I thought was an empty road, and went. A car coming straight slammed into the front left of my car, ripping off my front bumper and scratching up their car pretty bad. No one was hurt, but their car was brand new, and no matter how many times I think over the incident I can’t for the life of me believe I didn’t see that car coming at all. It doesn’t make sense, maybe I blanked, maybe another car was turning and it hid them. The passengers in the other car were super nice, but the driver was angry with me (I understand why). She called a bunch of people and kept saying “a 20 year old T-Boned me” over and over again, and the people on the other end would freak out. I’ve never felt so bad in my entire life. It’s been 3 days and I still get a knot in my stomach and tears in my eyes thinking about it. I’ve never even been pulled over, let alone in a car accident. I wasn’t on my phone, I was watching the road, and I still managed to just not see the car coming. Right after the accident I wanted to die, literally. I considered stepping into traffic. I know it could’ve been much worse but I can’t seem to forgive myself. ]]>

By: Althena

Fri, 30 Nov 2018 19:31:49 +0000

Wlliam, you are not alone, and it is devastating.
I packed a suitcase the night before I was going away for the night. I was going to be staying with my mother in another city to help her out with some things. I had packed everything, but had left it unzipped. The next morning, I zipped it up, put it in my car, and went to work. Afterwards, I drove to my mother’s. When I went to open it, I realized that my cat, Duchess, had been trapped inside the suitcase all day, and had died due to the heat. She only weighed a couple of lbs, and I hadn’t noticed the weight difference. I was absolutely devastated, and I’m still not over it, a decade later. ]]>